End of life

End of life
Before about two weeks, I saw a group of pictures in QQ one group of mails, did not know it is everyone and what has been trimmed hair, call " the end of life ". In the picture is all the scene that people cremate in the men-smelting furnace after dying, make people shocking after looking, yes, reaching the end in life is a pair of ashes!
In my sight, have an old and short and small figure, often appear in my home. Grandmother tell me whether you grandmother Wang of neighbour's in hospital, check, it comes out to be lung cancer one day suddenly. I have not spoken after long silence, is looking at the corner on the wall silently, the unconscious one thinks something in the brain, I do not know either at this moment, there is only a blank, but I want to see that old and short and small figure after I know, will be very difficult.
Our home moved to here in 1993, we knew no one while just moving to here, living in time slowly is long, know the villagers of much neighbourhood in this village too, including she. Maize ground and the maizes of shes our next to,the every when sowing autumn harvest in spring, I will see it is being fat that she is reciting the peasant family which is filled with a pocket in that old and short and small figure, shouldering it to the mountain, I just look quietly, full of sympathy to her in the heart. Several years ago, health of her very hale and hearty, go up a hill, cut firewood in bundle back, very much strong even plane ground, just she at that time was from coming to my home, I can only see her working quietly, sometimes, she sees me playing on a swing in the courtyard quietly too.
In only spring last year, she began to often drop in our home, let the grandmother chat. Finish farm work she will backyard come in by little door from my home, though I do not speak with her each time, but I always get her some ice cream and fruit and pass her, let her solve and quench one's thirst to have a rest for a moment, at this moment will smiling in she look at by I,full of grateful face.
Am I thinking sometimes, why do the old men in the countryside like tilling land? Why they do not go for morning exercises, play chess, it is favorable to physically and mentally healthy activity to do some, why will they go to work in the fields soon at 3, 4 o'clock in the early morning of every day? Later on I know they like morning exercises to play chess, but they must need one's own work to eat meals. In rural aged person being to have pension, meet filial children give to support parents fee 100-200 just at most all the year round, other economic source of income take by crops that oneself plant away and exchange money to change some articles for daily use all.
She lived in the institute once in March of solar calendar of today, our home did not come in two weeks, the grandmother goes to ask about her condition, others all say it is the water accumulation of lung, have not troubled greatly. She leave hospital later on, we ask how she feel, she oneself say, play sidelight for two weeks so agile too. She went the hospital again by May, the same as last time, continue having an intravenous drip, it send for some time and,on the such several several roll over do by pieces of comprehensive review either all the time, children negligence perhaps, will never expect serious disease she so terrible win. Serious in July, that old body that becomes thin faints to on the ground on the mountain, send to the hospital, through checking in an all-round way, lung cancer later period when the result has been already confirmed, can only maintain the life by the medicine, will calculate for one day in one days. Children have connected her and gone home, have concealed her condition, is the same as previous, the bit can be good to tell her to make for a few days, she takes it seriously, can not know the step of the death very well to her approaching step by step. She continues going up a hill to till land still the same as before, weed, carry the firewood, though the faint sick body is difficult to support the so enormous manual labor, but she still insists on, says, this serious disease is just good, the health is not interesting to the grandmother, it would be better if raised again. The grand-mother knows the truth but not dares to tell her, can only advise her to wait and do again agilely well, she does not hear.
Until the beginning of month in this month, she fell down at last, could not stand up again, travelled to and fro between the hospital for several times, still invalid. She know one's own condition, she say to children oneself want, take some traditional Chinese medicine have a try, perhaps the condition will take a favorable turn, children have told her the truth having no choice, she is in despair, do not eat and does not drink. She demands to go home, she does not want to die in the hospital. Just when the son gave her a piggyback to get off, she sees the grandmother passes in front of her house, does she tear the hands living in the grandmother and ask, our sisters have been good once, why conceal my truth? I lung cancer, as you know, you affirm, know why tell I? The grandmother have to stubbornly refuse to admit, assert emphatically, do not really know oneself.
So long as the grandmother will go to accompany her as soon as being free these days, accompany her to spend the last time. The grandmother came back to say, children had got the shroud filial piety shirt cloth of coffin ready, wait for her to breathe one's last, feel bad in the heart. Reach end is so dreary unexpectedly, person who watch group of children, man Suns woman life, the greatest house, savings in all one's life praise the wealth under, will part forever soon, thinking in her heart what it is at this moment? I guess, it is bitter and short whether can have life, the life is variable, life and death is empty, sigh with deep feeling this all one's life in vain? But she is still asking children at this moment, how much is the oxygen cylinder rented for her. Well I hear these, can only sigh
I want to see her very much, read several sentences of Buddha's symbols for her, can be regarded as and see her off too, but I have courage, can I'm afraid oneself scene to see birth and old age,sickness and death sentimental crying, even cry bitterly, so I have chosen to escape, quietly, quietly, pray to Buddha and chant scriptures for her, hope that can dispense with the bitterness of the samsara in her soul, must grow the pure land.
There is not the south Amitabha
[PR]
by fashiongirl | 2008-10-09 17:07


All time is no time when it is past.


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